Tuesday, 27 April 2010

What is the f***** matter with me????

I didn´t even make one day! It´s bad enough the weekends being my downfall, but starting on the blooming Monday?!

Again during the day I was OK. I wanted to do Tabata in the evening, but when hubby came home, I was starving. I knew that I can´t do heavy excercise after a big meal, so I said I´d go this morning instead.

The dinner was healthy, too. Wholeweat pasta with tuna, broccoli and mushrooms. But then.... A WW bar, WW ice-cream, winegum and then I just got the chocolate spread and the peanutbutter and dunked my biscuits in it. I don´t even attempt to estimate the points. Oh, did I mention the bottle of red?? On a Monday!!!! Looking in the mirror I just see an alcoholic binging pig! I can´t put into words how pissed off I am with myself (excuse my language, but in my head I´m using worse, believe me!) I´m fed up with it!

I hate going to the meetings and hearing about so many people doing so well. The only good thing I´ve got to say every week, is that I´m excersing well. But could you imagine how much I´d have to excercise to train all that rubbish off? I´d have to give up sleeping!

I keep telling myself: "Just do it for crying out loud!" But the problem´s not the doing it, it´s the 'don´t do it'. Don´t put another biscuit in your mouth, don´t fill your glass up again, don´t open the jelly beans.

I always had a problem with saying 'no'. It´s bad enough, that I can´t say it to others, but not even to myself?

This just has to stop, but I just don´t know how to? My leader at WW is no help, whatsoever. She never makes time for indivuals. She has her notes, she´s got to cover. If you actually say something, you can see her getting impatient quickly.

I had a few leaders over the years, and they were all pretty much the same. Everytime I think: "My god, you gave us the leaflet, which got everything you´re just telling us in it. I can read!" But I still stay, and everytime I go out again with the best intentions.

But I just don´t want to give up! If I cancelled the membership now, I know it would just be unfinished business and I would not be happy.

If I could just manage one full week! One blooming week of staying within my points. Starting again today.........



  1. Petra,
    You can do it! Just look at the pictures you have here you look awsome!
    Don't let a few biscuits and wine get you down, I bet if you track it, with all the activity you do you are probably fine points wise.
    Remember it's about persistance not perfection.

  2. We can always start again. It's almost like rock climbing. If you fall, you fall a little, but are still closer to the top. But if you continue to slide, it'll get that much harder to climb back up the rock. You're kicking ass and taking names! Maybe you should try to evaluate your day and maybe you can find the trigger that caused you to binge. For me, I try to stay away from sweets because that just triggers a craving for more. But that's me and my body. I'm sure you'll find yours.