Monday, 12 April 2010

These holidays are always my downfall!

Here I am, after two weeks of chocolate indulgance. I just couldn´t stop. Every single evening I munched and munched and munched. I felt sick more than once. Once I even had to make myself sick. Nothing I like to share, but I think I have to. No need to say that I´m disgusted by myself! But nothing I can do about it now. It´s done. I´m determined to go back on track, starting today.

I wanted to go to WI yesterday, but we were invited for dinner next door, and it was just ready, when the meeting started. ´

The damage won´t be as bad as it could have been, because in other aspects I was absolutely fantastic. I´m still very enthusiastic about my training. And when I had to go on the scales with my trainer on Friday, it showed, despite all the chocolate, that I lost 3.5% bodyfat in just 2.5 weeks. I was absolutely over the moon! Thursday was the first warm day, so I asked my neighbour to have the kids for a bit, so I could go for a run. Armed with my new MP3 player I started off, wearing a T-shirt!!! Having music in my ear makes such a huge difference. Although the route I was running has some really mean hills in it, I had a huge grin on my face and was running further than I have in years. 4.5 miles!! For some this might be nothing, but I never had (and still don´t have) any attentions in ever running a marathon, so this is quite a good distance for me, and I won´t work on much longer distances.

I also still do the classes at the gym and of course my personal torture sessions. It´s getting harder and harder. Friday I was honestly close to tears, whining: "I can´t do this!" But guess what, I did it! Unfortunately my calf´s playing up again. He even gave me a massage at the end, which was quite painful. So I´ve got orders to rest until tomorrow, which is quite frustrating.

Can you imagine, how much I could lose, if I just had my eating under control? I don´t know, what´s wrong with my head, because I keep sabotaging myself. It´s like I just can´t believe that I can drop under 10st. That´s where my trainer wants me, so I´m officialy slim. Don´t I want to be slim? Sounds like a stupid question, but I´m truelly confused. When I´m scoffing down big chocolate eggs, creameggs and all the other rubbish, I´m totally aware that I will put on weight, and that I´ll feel down afterwards, but that just makes me get more chocolate. I´m sure we all know these vicious circles. But I still haven´t given up, yet. I hope I´ll find the answers to my questions along the way, to somewhen have a healthy relationship with food.

Good luck to us all


1 comment:

  1. Wow that is a good fat loss! Well done. Your personal torturer must be a good one. I'm well impressed by your 4.5 miles run. It's not something I could do, at least not at the moment.
    The answer to that last question of why we continue to eat rubbish when we know what will happen is the holy grail of weightwatching, and the person who discovers the answer will surely deserve to be canonised.