Here I am, after two weeks of chocolate indulgance. I just couldn´t stop. Every single evening I munched and munched and munched. I felt sick more than once. Once I even had to make myself sick. Nothing I like to share, but I think I have to. No need to say that I´m disgusted by myself! But nothing I can do about it now. It´s done. I´m determined to go back on track, starting today.
I wanted to go to WI yesterday, but we were invited for dinner next door, and it was just ready, when the meeting started. ´
The damage won´t be as bad as it could have been, because in other aspects I was absolutely fantastic. I´m still very enthusiastic about my training. And when I had to go on the scales with my trainer on Friday, it showed, despite all the chocolate, that I lost 3.5% bodyfat in just 2.5 weeks. I was absolutely over the moon! Thursday was the first warm day, so I asked my neighbour to have the kids for a bit, so I could go for a run. Armed with my new MP3 player I started off, wearing a T-shirt!!! Having music in my ear makes such a huge difference. Although the route I was running has some really mean hills in it, I had a huge grin on my face and was running further than I have in years. 4.5 miles!! For some this might be nothing, but I never had (and still don´t have) any attentions in ever running a marathon, so this is quite a good distance for me, and I won´t work on much longer distances.
I also still do the classes at the gym and of course my personal torture sessions. It´s getting harder and harder. Friday I was honestly close to tears, whining: "I can´t do this!" But guess what, I did it! Unfortunately my calf´s playing up again. He even gave me a massage at the end, which was quite painful. So I´ve got orders to rest until tomorrow, which is quite frustrating.
Can you imagine, how much I could lose, if I just had my eating under control? I don´t know, what´s wrong with my head, because I keep sabotaging myself. It´s like I just can´t believe that I can drop under 10st. That´s where my trainer wants me, so I´m officialy slim. Don´t I want to be slim? Sounds like a stupid question, but I´m truelly confused. When I´m scoffing down big chocolate eggs, creameggs and all the other rubbish, I´m totally aware that I will put on weight, and that I´ll feel down afterwards, but that just makes me get more chocolate. I´m sure we all know these vicious circles. But I still haven´t given up, yet. I hope I´ll find the answers to my questions along the way, to somewhen have a healthy relationship with food.
Good luck to us all
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