Friday, 4 March 2011

Back in the saddle - literally!

This morning I had my second horse riding lesson!!!! My brother and sister in law gave me a single lesson for my 40th birthday and now I´m hooked again.

I used to ride a lot until I started it as an occupation. That spoiled it for me! And I´ve only been in the saddle occasionaly since my early twenties.

When I was about 18 or 19 I started an apprenticeship on a stud farm in Germany. It was a pretty famous stable and my boss was on first name basis with all the big German riders and took jumping lessons from an gold medal Military rider (that´s the competition that includes dressage, jumping and cross-country).

To start with I was in awe of everything. The horses were worth a fortune, even if they never had a saddle on their back, yet.

I loved it. But my confidence was in the cellar, though. I was by far the worst rider and my boss didn´t leave an opportunity to mention my figure and that it would be good for me to lose some weight. You can imagine how hurt I was and that I didn´t feel too comfortable anymore. Once, a girl who helped out sometimes, told me that he was slacking me and my weight off in front of people that have never met me.

By the way, I was only slightly heavier than I am now. To be fair, I was not too commited anymore and so my work lacked as well. To one point I had a huge shouting match with the stable owners son. Not smart!!! But I was young and confused and deeply, deeply hurt.

Will you be surprised, if I tell you that it didn´t end well? When I got a basket full of apples and oranges for my birthday and pretty much got kicked out of my room, I could tell that I wasn´t that welcome anymore. I never finished that apprenticeship and his last words to me were, that he had never met anyone like me before. Said by the man who, on a stable party, showed one of the farmers the way to my room, where I was asleep already, because: 'I thought you wanted that!' I could still shout: 'You fucking arsehole!!!' I got pretty close to getting raped that night!

From then on, I only rode occasionaly. I´m been on my nieces horse a few times, but nothing regulary.

My first lesson two weeks ago was a bit frustrating, because they put me on a very beginner horse and I was shattered just trying to make the horse move. Today was much better. There were even moments, when I had the feeling that things were coming together again and the horse went nicely. I booked in for another one in two weeks. Would love to go earlier, but it is very expensive.

And believe it or not, with all the sports I´m doing, my legs were quite shaky, when I came off and I wouldn´t be surprise, if I felt my inner thighs tomorrow. Of course it is not as intense as my usual workout, but we were outside and I had to take my jacket off, because I was getting hot.

I could have had a training session tonight, but I just got back from a kiddies birthday, and basically I´m too tired. Will do an outside one on Sunday and tomorrow I´ll train here.

Eatingwise I´m so lala (okay, I couldn´t keep my fingers from the kiddies buffet), but as I said before, I´m trying to get my mind into a good state, and I have to say, it´s getting less and less that I feel out of control.

My goal is to have the way of thinking of a natural thin person, because they eat what they want, when they want it. Food just doesn´t control their mind. If I set my mind into 'I´ve got to lose weight now', I promise you, everything I'll be thinking about is food - all the time! What to eat, when to eat again, how much, how many Points and it goes on and on and on. And then of course that I have to check my weight almost daily. The way I feel that day is dependend on what the number says. Have I lost I feel good (and very often, Oh-come on, you can have this bit more) and almost depression, if the number´s not, what I like it to be.

Where I am at the moment, I can´t let a number control my state of mind. I honestly know that relaxing a bit more does stop binge attacks. As I said before, after years of WW, my main meals are mainly healthy. It is the emotional binge attacks, which keep the weight on. I love being active, I love pushing my body, so at the very least, the weight shouldn´t go up as long as I work on being happy with the life I have right now. Don't get me wrong, I want and I will get rid of these pounds, that make me feel uncomfortable, but I´m prepared to give it time. As you told me, when the head is in the right place....

Have a lovely weekend everyone


1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you had a great time riding. I like the look of your blog.