One step forward. Three and a half steps back

Or in other words: Sunday´s WI +3.5.

I had to go. I hoped for something that would give me a way out of my dilemma. Am I happy with my weight, or do I want to go down the way to perfection. Well, at least I can say, I wasn´t happy with the +3.5.

So I had an attempt on tracking yesterday. Actually I did track yesterday, but that doesn´t mean, that I stayed within my allowance. But it´s still some kind of improvement.

There was a new leader at the meeting, and I think I´ll prefer her. I even almost stayed for a one to one, but for whatever reason I didn´t. I regret it a bit today, because I need some guidance. I´m so confused and undecided at the moment. For once I always change my daily allowance, because I´m so unsure, what is right for me. My trainer told me, that WW might not be good for me, because with all my training, it could be that I don´t eat enough (had to fight back some hysterical laughter at that point). I´m sure he meant, if you´re living it, like you should.

I won´t be able to make it to the meeting on Sunday, because we´ll go down to London with our visitors from Germany. The first overnight trip without the kids ever (well since they were born obviously)!!!!! Yippie! I can´t wait for just being husband and wife for a short while.

Anyway, but I´ll go the week after and ask her for a chat. For once I´d like to know, what point allowance she thinks is right for me. Also I think I´m looking for some kind of absolution, if I decide that I´m happy with the way I am (just assuming the pounds gained will disappear again). Or even better, she can help me making it over the finish line.

There is no denying that all this training already shaped my body for the better and will do so even more in the future. Is there the need to lose more? Same with my state of fitness. It already is pretty good, so no need to lose more pounds because of that.

But I just can´t help myself. Deep down I know, I´m just making excuses, not to follow it through to the end. James said I could have a washboard belly. Is there the need to have one? Of course not. Hardly anybody will have a look at it anyway. But would it be a fantastic feeling? Most definitely!

But all this looking your best aside, most of all I want a healthy relationship to food! I know that I eat, because I try to release some tension. That shows very clearly, when I really start to binge eat on the days I don´t excercise. I´m not quite so bad, when I had a good workout. And I explain that, that I release most of the tension with sweating it out. WW gives you tips, how to deal with stress differently, but somehow there was nothing that jumped at me: "Oh yes, I could do that instead."

I know better organization throughout my life would make a big difference, but I was born to be chaotic. All my attempts to structure things fail completely. The blooming money situation won´t change any time soon either, unless anybody got some to spare ;-).

But I will keep on fighting the chaos and while I dream about a fancy holiday in the Carribean (all inclusive with a kids club and a lovely beach)...sigh....

So time to get going. Our visitors arrive in two days and I want to get this mountain of ironing out of the way at least. Good news is, my daughter´s chickenpox finally made an appearance. And wow, the poor girl´s covered. But same as my son, she´s good in herself and will be fit for staying with Nanny and Granddad over the weekend.

Have a lovely day everyone

XX