So I´m back on track. On the weekend I got out my old journals from when I first joined WW in 2005 and it really gave me a boost. I want to finish this, I WON´T GIVE UP! The thought of saying "I´m happy now" is just a foul compromise.
And if I´m really going for becoming a personal trainer, I want to live it. I couldn´t be a convincing advisor, if I didn´t do the best myself. I´m still not absolutely sure, if I´ll really go for it, but it´s still on my mind.
My next step would be to speak to the boss of the fitness centre, if I could train as a fitness instructor there, but at the moment I just don´t have the confidence for it quite yet. The thought of rejection is too daunting. I always struggled with low self esteem. In my head I´m not fit enough, still too big and of course too old. Although the age thing is not even the worst, because there´s nothing I can do about that.
I know you shouldn´t think "Once I´m thinner I´ll do this or the other", but in this case the body image is a very big factor, so I´ll have to lose a bit more, just to better my chances.
So give me a few weeks of sticking to the regime and I´ll make my move....
I already got a hurdle in my way, with two kiddies birtdays on the weekend. On the first there will be a buffet with lots of unhealthy nibbles, and the other will be a BBQ with alcohol. I will try to book a few points, eat before the first to absolutely ignore the buffet, because if I start I won´t stop. For the BBQ I promised to prepare some Feta cheese, so I can control the points for that and stick with the chicken. Being a kid´s birthday the alcohol flow won´t be that bad anyway. And of course exercise, exercise, exercise. I´ll try body combat tonight, although I know it might be a bad idea. Just walking into town was annoyingly achy. But I won´t do the jumps and try to be extra light on my feet, when it comes to the shuffles.
I´m just sick and tired of doing the same stuff over and over again, but giving it a complete break is simply out of question.
I feel more detemined that I have in a long time. And that is a d*** good feeling.
Long may it continue.
Oh, and I still haven´t published my early morning picture. It´s coming. Promised!!!